One year ago today, I went into labor.
I can’t believe it’s been one.whole.year.
This year has been the hardest year of my life. The challenges motherhood brings along with constantly remembering I’m not just a mother. I’m still me, but with a husband AND a baby now. I envy the mommies who seem to have it all figured out on the outside… (Hair combed, nails done, nice clothes) all while totting their perfectly coordinated clothed baby.
I, on the other hand, was never that type… At least not this year. I’ve painted my nails twice this year. TWICE. The only makeup I currently own and use (probably less than 5 times this year) mascara. The clothes I once owned still don’t fit me yet, so my wardrobe consists of clothes that look like I just fell out of the laundry hamper, And on most days my baby can be found looking like her mommy doesn’t know how to dress her…mismatch-y socks, mismatch-y shirt and pants… Along with the occasional stain that I didn’t get to in time.
But, as I lay here and nurse my healthy (minus her slight congestion) little girl to sleep. I am blessed. I am so blessed. It was a TOUGH year. Yes. Toughest so far. Lots of emotions. Lots of highs and lots of lows.
But. We. made. it.
We’ve made it out if the newborn stage, out of the baby phase, and now on to toddlerhood. Not to say that I didn’t enjoy this year, because I definitely did. Watching my daughter learn and grow into this tiny little person is the most amazing gift! The love I carry for my daughter is endless!
But, I don’t miss ‘learning’ how to Breastfeed. The pain associated with it. The endless hours, upon hours of cluster feedings that no one mentioned, that would have me just sitting on the couch ALL day. Being home bound for the first 3 months of life because Laura screamed bloody murder every second of a drive in the car no matter what we did. Being so depressed of being a stay at home mom because I felt like I couldn’t figure it out. Feeling like I failed at this mom thing.
But… Laura is still nursing at 12 months old and even with teeth, nursing is now practically effortless. I am so thankful that I pushed on and had the support of awesome mommy friends, even when I felt like giving up on breastfeeding. The only time Laura screams in the car now is if she pooped her pants, And I finally feel like I’ve got this mom thing figured out.
It took me one.whole.year.
One whole year to realize that I do have this figured out.
And it happened when my mom came to visit me, the moment she said,
‘Wow look how good you cleaned the kitchen and very fast!’
All while babywearing my sleeping daughter.
And also when she said, ‘ I see the way you cook, the way you cook for your husband. You cook better than me now.’
::Cue my gasp::
No, mom. Impossible.
It took the praise of my mother to help me see how far I’ve truly come. Every mommies pace is different, some figure it out sooner and others later. The point is, you will make it! You will find your groove. You will feel like you again. It will happen!
…And then you will probably have another baby. But, guess what, you’ve already done it, so you will know what to expect, and you will get through that too.