“How are you doing?” Your first period after your miscarriage or D&C.
This blog post is something I didn’t think I would be writing, because who talks about “aunt flo”? I know to others this title may sound a bit silly, and may be a dismissive topic or even taboo.
So, what is the big deal about getting your period after you’ve had a miscarriage? It’s a sign that your body is working and doing what it is suppose to be, right?
Yes, all of that is true and good, but for the person who is going through it, the person who lost their baby through miscarriage just a few week ago… It may feel different then just your “average” monthly visit.
This first period is a reminder of what you have lost.
20 Things to do after a miscarriage
5 Things to know when grieving your first miscarriage
How to heal emotionally from a miscarriage and 7 ways to protect your heart.
The emotions
I have been dreading this period, waiting to see when “it” would finally arrive? How many more weeks would it take before my body would go back to “normal”.
And then it finally it happened, my first period after this miscarriage, it so cruelly happened EXACTLY a month after my d&c.
So, not only was I reminded of the day my baby and I were surgically separated from each other, But, now I am reminded doubly that my little one is gone and my life is biologically returning to normalcy.
With my first period came a flood of emotions that I was not expecting nor was I prepared for.
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Friends and family.
Sometimes people may say insensitive things to you unknowingly. I mentioned to a friend that I had just gotten my first period after my miscarriage, and she joyfully exclaimed, “Oh, that’s really good!”
Although, I know she was well-intentioned with that comment, heck, maybe she didn’t exactly know how to respond to my blunt statement of my biological functions. But it still hurt.
“No, I didn’t want my period to be back, I am suppose to being having my 20-week anatomy scan right now. I am suppose to be joyfully awaiting the gender of our child and putting together a beautiful nursery.
All I wanted was my baby.
Getting my period is just a cruel reminder of what I don’t have anymore.”—I thought to myself.
I tried to separate my wild emotions to my logical/rational way of thinking (Thanks to my always rational and even-tempered husband) but sometimes that is hard.
“Yeah.”— was all I replied as I sulked back into my feelings and returned to my bedroom. I suppose that is good, but the better response would be, “Oh, How are you feeling?”
Because right now I’m feeling a multitude of emotions and would love to express them. But, most people are too afraid to go there with us. Too afraid to ask us how we are feeling, or don’t saying anything at all.
I am not hiding behind my miscarriage, it’s part of me, it’s part of my journey. Its something I’m dealing with in the open and something I want to talk to others about.
The journey.
If you are dealing with similar emotions, I hope you find solace and hope for your future. That you continue to look upon the Father and trust His will for your life.
This is not the end.
Although, we may not understand why these things happen to us. I pray that you find hope and peace on this loss journey you are on.
Maybe your friends and family doesn’t get why your “first” period after a miscarriage is so difficult emotionally, but I do.
The first period after your miscarriage can bring an array of emotions. Please be gentle on yourself and take it one day at a time.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.– Jeremiah 29:11
This is a hard place to be. You are very brave. I experienced a miscarriage years ago too.
You are not alone. And those who have never experienced a miscarriage cannot even begin to comprehend. I know your friend meant well with her words, but she just simply didn’t understand your pain. I know that pain. Three years ago, we lost our baby at 10 weeks. Even though my husband was by my side through it all, and no doubt struggling with his own grief, I felt like he was a million miles away from me, emotionally. That lonliness, the kind where the people who love you most cannot even come close to consoling, is like nothing in this world. The only one I could get close to at that time was God. Like you, the unwelcome arrival of Aunt Flo was hard. But the hardest thing after, for me at least, was returning to church 2 weeks later and watching some of my sisters rejoice over another sister and her pregnancy. This happened 5 times in about 3 months after my baby went to heaven. In no way did I wish any harm to these ladies or their babies, but my word! How my heart got ripped out and stomped on at every pregnancy announcement! My mind was rejoicing for them, but my heart was crushed over what I had lost. I finally got so fed up with the pain, that I decided I would hold my baby. Maybe not that baby, but A BABY! So A year after my miscarriage we welcomed A baby girl into the world. Even though my heart still hurts for my angel baby, there is now a scar, where a huge gaping, hemorrhaging hole was. I give God the praise for that! He used another life to staple my bleeding heart. Thank you Lord!
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I totally understand and all those feelings you went through because I also went through them. Congratulations on your baby girl, I am so glad you got your rainbow baby❤️
This may be too late for you, but I’m totally right there with you. I am waiting for my pregnancy tissue to leave my body or the doctor will schedule a d&c next week.
I didn’t get a baby, I have an unembryonic pregnancy. My body is pregnant and my baby sac is growing but there is no baby inside me.
I have been in limbo – trying to make sense of it. I got all the nauseas, exhaustion, and crazy hormone rides for nothIng! I never had a baby inside me! I have no baby to mourn. But I can do all things through the Lord who gives me strength!
Hi Veronica,
I am so sorry to hear that, but I am glad you can draw strength from the Lord. Thinking of you and hope your procedure went smoothly and that you find healing❤️
-Ledy
I realize this post is over a year old and I don’t think I’ve ever commented on a stranger’s blog. To be honest I only found this post because I’ve been frantically trying to find a way to define how I’m feeling. Like you, I had a miscarriage at 15 weeks and today I started my period for the first time; 3 days before what would have been my 20 week anatomy scan. I was completely unprepared for how emotional this “milestone” would make me and it’s throwing me for a loop. I ache for your own losses but thank you for taking the time to write this. It hit home and I’m feeling just a little more at peace knowing others can relate and eloquently put into words what I cannot.
Frantically searching the internet for others stories after having a d&c Friday. The pain is real, the emotions raw, my mind is trying to cope and tell me it’s over, my body feels everything from the surgery yet I struggle because there is no visible evidence outside my body that a surgery even happened. I don’t know what to expect now, the uncertainty of it is terrifying. Yet, through it all I have a deep peace knowing my baby is in heaven and I will see them one day. Ps. 23 is literally the chapter I cling to right now. God’s timing is always best!
Hi , I just cried myself to sleep tonight… First period after a D&C. Wasn’t expecting that flow of emotions… I think I’ve been lying to myself for a month about how I’m doing… Or is it just hormonal? Thx for sharing, thinking of sharing myself to maybe help some other people in the same situation. Hard stuff… Thx again your story helped me,.Liz
Thank you for sharing. Physically and emotionally, my period coming back is harder than I expected and this helps to put some of it into words.
Hi Megan 👋
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss💛 I’m glad I could help, thank you for your kind words.
Ugh. I hate that we’ve all been there or are currently there. I’m still going through it. First pregnancy, first miscarriage, and now the first period after all in the span of the last two months. Thank you for this article.
I know this post is a few years old. But I just found it on pinterest while searching for things to help. I had a chemical pregnancy back in June. I was 4 weeks. Then a miscarriage at 7 weeks mid September. I just got my first period after my September loss and it was/is so hard. Thank you for sharing this. I can relate to so much of this. Trying to work through it and lean on God. Holding on to Him and praying I will have a rainbow baby. I have 2 beautiful children already. And I’ve struggled with feeling like maybe I should just be thankful for them and move on. But I’ve had the strongest desire for another baby since last year…. I can’t let go of it. I can’t talk to family. I’ve told a few close friends because I know they’ve also gone through this… never did I think I would walk this road, let alone 2 times in a row. But thank you for being brave and speaking out. I’m glad I found this. May God be with you and other women who have and are walking this path right now.
Thank you for sharing this, I was just thinking about this today. I am two weeks post op from my d&c surgery. I’ve been trying to put into words how I’m feeling and you did so perfectly. Reading the comments helped knowing someone does understand, usually people tell me “I can’t even imagine”.